Random Ramblings...

NEW BLOG

2011-02-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

I may not be around anymore.

My new blog is Stealing Memories. Enjoy.

2011-01-31T11:52:00.001-08:00

Starting pretty soon, I'll be posting the url to my new blog. I won't be posting much on Random Ramblings anymore, if ever, so this new wordpress is where I will be found in the future.

Oh my gosh, I want the ocean in the summertime!

2011-01-30T14:22:00.001-08:00

I want to put it in my pocket and carry it with me all throughout winter.

Random memories from last semester, courtesy of Nathan Sisson and others... mostly Nathan.

2011-01-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

I really like this one for some reason.

This one is my fave. I love it.

Fishes.

This is our Mary Kate and Ashley pose, and I feel like it's pretty accurate.

That danged photobombing Drew! >:O

Don't ask me why we're leaning; I know not. JoHannah is doing a fine job of holding us up, though.

With Bobby and Drew.

Oh, yes.

Shakespeare at the park! Oh, the hysteria. I felt like Mrs. Bennet on the inside on more than one occasion on account of Shakespeare and his lovable nonsense.

"TyTy". One of my favourite boys.

My sweet JoHannah.

I love her. She makes me laugh, too. That's icing on the love cake, isn't it?

Cue college pose:
Christmas Banquet version2!
:D

I love my girls. <3
JohnDal. Him with a camera is always going to be part of my Verity memories.

HIGH FIVE! And THAT'S how we have mixed gender fun, people.

BOOOOOOWLING.

Aw!!! It's Chuckers and Steven! I loves thems.

Playing games at the local root beer joint. :)

I was telling an awkward "I fell down in my wet bathroom like an old broken-hipped lady" story. Don't laugh at me.

I mainly love this one because Sarah has blue teeth.

Roommates!
Our Monty Python skit for Harvest Fest.

Sarah's annual nice car in the parking lot birthday picture.
Sarah!
Yeah, so this is probably the scariest picture of me that I've ever seen. I look like I'm made of wax and out to kill someone. But I had to put it up.
Shakespeare outside! Good memories :)
Pajama pants made the memories even better for me, personally.
Medieval photoshoot. Interesting day. I do so love that horse, though.
Beautiful horse.
Pig nose!

And there we are, folks. My class, my friends, my people. My family in God. I love all of them so much. Dang, I'm about to make myself cry. I can't believe we'll all be saying goodbye in May.

Another rant, despite the fact that I myself am peculiarly succeptable to technology.

2011-01-21T11:54:00.001-08:00

I'm at one of those points in my life where I am angry, and frustrated. I feel so tired and hopeless with the state of the world. This is so idiotic to feel this way, because I contribute as much as anyone to the stupidity floating around with the rest of the pollution, but I still have this sadness I can't seem to suppress or explain away.

I want life to be more meaningful. That also sounds idiotic coming from a Christian, because we're supposed to have all meaning to life, and we do. Jesus fulfills every bit of longing that we are plagued with if we only reach out to Him and accept the meaning. However, I grow so tired of the complicated, technological, artificial, shallow, short lived, meaningless habits and practices that we go through. I'm sick and tired of my computer, and I'm ready to put it under my bed forever. I'm sick and tired of my cell phone, and I want to throw it out my window and let the snow eat it. I'm sick and tired of my college work, because it isn't teaching me much of anything and I want to grasp learning and use it in my life. I'm sick and tired of all of the tech. I'm sick and tired of the speed of life, of the complicated easiness that has been a poor excuse for replacing simplicity.

I want to be a hobbit in the Shire, or an elf in Rivendell. I really do.

I'm tired of people getting sick because we don't garden anymore, or they just don't get outside enough. I'm tired of living off of caffeine. I'm tired of typing instead of writing. I'm tired of watching instead of reading. I'm tired of listening instead of sitting in silence. I'm tired of things not being simpler.

Don't get me wrong. I understand that simplicity is more than just those things. I also understand that the first step to making this dream of mine come true would be to actually get off of my own computer more, stop talking on the phone so much, take more time to sit in silence, relax, read more classics, light more candles and stop complaining. I understand that this is something more or less easily attained in my own life, if I only set my mind to it, and I honestly do plan on doing better. I guess I just want everyone in my life to just stop the rush, stop the technology dependence, stop the complications, and just breath in and relax. Drink in God and His nature. Drink in life, because there is more to it than just google, wikipedia, the latest app, and so many other things that just make me want to just hole myself up in my room and read a George MacDonald book.

Yes, this is a rant. Yes, I am a pot seeing the splinter in the kettle's black eye. Sometimes, however, I need to write down my feelings in order to truly understand how to deal with them. I think a technology fast may be in order soon.

I miss the warmth, I miss the wind...

2011-01-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

I miss summer.

Cutest monkey I've ever seen. EVER.

2011-01-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

2011-01-19T07:21:00.000-08:00

"Frankly my dear.................... I don't give a care." ~~Tyler

2011-01-19T04:59:00.001-08:00

"I know I have a heart, because I feel it breaking." -The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Thoughts on Louisa May Alcott... and myself

2011-01-18T07:56:00.000-08:00

Tyler: Spintzer... WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Me: IT MEANS NO ONE WANTED TO MARRY THAT DANGED TRANSCENDENTALIST FEMINAZI!

Tyler: So... You are a spinster?

Me: You know it.

I like this.

2011-01-18T05:38:00.001-08:00

2011-01-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

2011-01-14T12:26:00.001-08:00

Awesome

2011-01-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

2011-01-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

2010 in review

2011-01-10T19:07:00.001-08:00

2010 in review

(courtesy of Gracie's Blog )

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Go snowboarding... that was crazy.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't even remember what they were, so probably not. I wanted to get closer to God, though, and boy did that happen.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I know a couple of people who did, but none of my best friends.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Again, a few people died, and several of them impacted my life immensely, but no one I was super tied to.

5. What countries did you visit?
Good ol' US of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
More overall insight and a bigger picture of the world and of life. I want to see deep into people and feel deeply for them. I want to love people in a more revolutionary way.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 1st was the worst ever. I don't remember much of the rest of the year up until the summer, which was beautiful and amazing, but January 1st and on was just the worst.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Yeah. Surviving. Not dying. Both.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Lying to myself, giving in... misunderstanding life and all of its intricacies.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh my gosh. Moving on.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Well... I really have no idea. I bought lots of asparagus, and that was cool... I bought The Brothers Bloom, which I love. I bought a swanky old 1970s avacado green pipe that was super adorable. Ummm... I really don't know.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I think... I don't know, I guess I'm just really proud of Gracie. Not even for anything in particular, she just as a person has made me so proud over the past year. I love who she is, and who she's becoming. I'm really proud of her.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Wow, well, um... that's a rude question.

14. Where did most of your money go?
School, clothes, food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting certified in natural health.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
2009? Ummm... gosh, that was a while back. I guess Hey Soul Sister, for sure, and some Killers stuff. Boats and Birds, definitely.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Um... Way happier, for sure. Like I said, this time last year I was nearly comatose.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Being happy with the good stuff, and using the bad to lift me up instead of bring me down.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Pretending.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas at the beach with my family. And it snowed, which was cool.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent New Years at a friend's house, playing games and chilling. We drank sparkling... SOMETHING, and we prayed the new year in, which was really peaceful and right.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Well, I didn't get to watch much tv last year, but my closest comrades know what I watched when I watched it ;)

24. What was the best book you read?
Well, I'll say Fairest even though I'd already read it and it isn't sublime or anything. Reading aloud with Sarah and Judith just makes me happy.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Brandon Flowers. Hoooooooly cow. My favourite vocalist of all time, and his music makes... me... weep.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception rather melted my mind in joy, and Toy Story 3 made me cry until I was nearly dead, and How To Train Your Dragon was so surprisingly sweet and intense. My favourite would have to be a toss up between the three.

28. What did you get on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 19, and I got a baritone ukulele, which suited me perfectly. I love him. Haven't named him yet, but I suppose I'll get him some strings first.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Something very very solid telling me that the next year would be better.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
I probably didn't have one, but I honestly don't remember. :O

31. What kept you sane?
My friends, my family, chocolate, coffee punch, the summer, certain shows and videos, being able to read my Bible and learning how to truly journal to God and be still for a while. I honestly did, just like Gracie said in hers, "learn to be silent". It was a good lesson.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
My boyfriend! He's the star of my heart! Haha. JK, JK. I think probably... well the only people who come to mind are Weird Al and Steve Martin, mostly because they keep me laughing regularly on twitter. Lame? Definitely. But still. It's all I've got right now. Deal with it.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prostitution was a big deal, and still is. Child porn, stuff like that. Abortion. There are certain things that are still just irking me like crazy and I want to do something about them but I don't know what. I'll just keep praying that God uses me to help somehow.

34. Who did you miss?
Oh, man. People.

35. Who was the best new person you met?
Meeting Nick Willeke made my life happier and different. I also "got to know better" people like Alex and Tyler and my roommate Clair and people like that. Summer people were so cool. I got to know my brother's fiancé a little better this year, and that was nice. So... I don't have a definite answer. Just... people. I really loved the people God put into my life last year, I'll definitely say that about it.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Don't judge. They're probably right anyway.

Bah...

2011-01-05T08:39:00.001-08:00

Well, I only got here yesterday, and school is already stinking to high heaven. Not quite sure what to do.

Perhaps I should... pray.

Psalm 18
¹¹ He made darkness His secret place;
His canopy around Him was dark waters
And thick clouds of the skies.
¹² From the brightness before Him,
His thick clouds passed with hailstones and coals of fire.

Beauty

2011-01-04T06:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, here we go. Thanks for nothing, dumb internet.

2010-12-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

This was where Gracie was like: "Caroline, take a picture of our awkward prom pose."

I love it when she laughs like that.

Fieldy Photoshoot

2010-12-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

So, I made Gracie stay up until 6:30 in the morning with me watching the original Star Wars. It was amazing. Jeremy stuck with us too up until Return of the Jedi, when he fell asleep on the couch. Anyways. These were taken the day after. This isn't nearly all of the photos from that day, but all this dumb internet can manage right now is the photobooth pictures.

Here we are, folks. And....

2010-12-14T17:01:00.000-08:00

WE ARE GOIN' TO ISRAEL! :D :D :D WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love me these chilluns.

2010-12-13T17:33:00.000-08:00

So today I was with Scarlet and Sophia, and Sophie was like, “Cacky, sometimes Ander likes to fight with us, but we don’t know what that means.” (Ander is one of their little four year old friends.)

I was like, “You don’t know what it means to fight?”

And Scarlet was like, “Yeah, we don’t know what that means to fight.”

And I was like, “But guys, what if someone tries to fight with you?! What would you do?”

And then Sophia reconsidered and was like, “Weeeell… sometimes we do fight with Ander, and we push him and he falls down and we laugh.”

And I just… sat there laughing for the longest time, beaming with pride at my little nieces who “don’t know what it means to fight”.

Charleston, SC. Fine, creepy little setup.

2010-11-29T20:16:00.000-08:00

Found a random mattress in the middle of downtown! Right in front of a parking lot. 'Twas awesome.
Private property... and a mattress. And my hair looks crazy flat. Odd.
WOOOHOOOO!!! The fun fun times for her!
Them people.
Prancing.
Dark alley. I likes it.
Oh, man. I mean, seriously. Is that not amazing?
That's Narnia. It was too dark to properly document, but it was in an alley and there was a little door in the alley going somewhere mildly forested.
Super fun little playground thingamabobble. I really loved that park.

Dang, I am so white.
My favourite random doorway basically ever.
A fat, fat bush that looked like a person wearing a dress.
Coolest wrought iron door I saw all day, that's for def.
That's right, I stood IN THE MIDDLE of that road, baby.

AKTH. Beautiful.

They were bad.

I liked it.

Mega fun times.

He thinks he's so clever.
ATTENTION, WOMEN!!!
That's my bro.
I love that poorly constructed shot, for some reason.
TOAST! :D

Whilst relaxin'...

Growling

2010-11-29T11:22:00.000-08:00

Kyle and Rachel and I pranced off to Charleston yesterday.

:)

2010-11-22T13:32:00.000-08:00

Day Ten — One confession.

2010-11-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

I have a secret.

Day Nine — Two smileys that describe your life right now.

2010-11-19T08:10:00.000-08:00

Day Eight — Three turn ons.

2010-11-17T07:08:00.001-08:00

1. Someone who isn’t afraid to say I love you loud and proud in a public setting if the situation calls for it.

2. Someone who, in the face of a possibly embarrassing situation, will forget himself and minister to other hurting people without thinking about how he looks in the process.

3. A dude who protects women in every capacity, and is also willing to apologize when he’s in the wrong.

Day six - five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).

2010-11-16T12:26:00.000-08:00

1. Granddaddy

2. Leah

3. Jeremy

4. Kyle

5. Gracie

You guys were always there for me when I needed you most. Thank you.

Day five - six things you wish you’d never done.

2010-11-14T11:22:00.001-08:00

1. Broken my tooth on a fork.

2. Gotten fat.

3. Given in.

4. Had sugar before the age of three.

5. Tried to be wanted where I wasn’t.

6. Pretended I was a stuck up snob because I felt uncomfortable with a situation.

And endless more. What can I say? I’m a sinner.

Day four - seven things that cross your mind a lot.

2010-11-14T11:21:00.001-08:00

1. When I’m going to die, and how I’ll be remembered.

2. What my children will be like, should I have any.

3. God’s plan for me.

4. The way people think of me.

5. The stuff I have to do.

6. My childhood. My past and future.

7. God’s creation of time, the galaxies, and the universe. Infinity.

Day three - eight ways to win your heart.

2010-11-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

1. Pursue God more than anything else, and love Him more than anyone else.

2. Pursue me and pursue me, and keep coming and keep coming (and it’s gonna be a chore, so you’d better be the MAN) until you know me like a book.

3. Never leave me, and never give up.

4. Don’t use cheep tricks and common stereotypical methods to get into my heart, or get me out of the dumps. It’s not going to work. This goes along with knowing me. You’ll know what to do.

5. Defend me. Protect me.

6. Remind me that you love me a lot, because I’ll doubt myself, not you, and don’t just tell me. Make sure it’s always genuine and real, and I understand. I’m super dense, and really suspicious.

7. You’re going to have to lead. That’s just a given.

8. Respect me, respect my authorities, and respect my beliefs. Do it right. Then you can marry me. I guess. I mean… you know… you’re going to have to be cool. I have to like you… kind of a lot. After that, just… Idunno. Chill and make it work, if you really feel like it.

Day Two — Nine things about yourself.

2010-11-11T16:08:00.000-08:00

1. I have 20/20 vision, but my eye doctor made me wear glasses when I was 10 for my migraines. It’s retarded how little people use their brains when they want your money.

2. In almost nineteen years, I’ve only been mad at my sister twice.

3. I used to make my brother kidnap me all the time. I just had some weird sort of obsession with escaping.

4. I am only alive because God wants me to be. I’m in the middle of the Shakespearian tragedies, so I should, by all rights, be dead right now.

5. I want to name one of my sons Valentine, and one of them Sebastian. I want to have twin girls and name them Jubilee and Trinity. OR have twins named Marius and Cosette. Eh. All of that is up in the air, obviously.

6. I am, by the orders of my father, never allowed to consume a caramel apple.

7. I hate cotton balls. Soooo much.

8. I hate shoes.

9. I used to wear a nightgown on my head (ALL THE TIME) and pretend to have super long hair.

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

2010-11-10T06:49:00.000-08:00

1. Granddaddy: I love you so much, and you’re one of the greatest people I have ever known. If I were a boy, I would strive to be like you, and as a girl, I want to find a man like you. You had your faults, I’m sure, but I never saw a single one of them and still don’t know what they are. Thank you for all you did for us, and for loving us so extremely. I miss you.

2. Dad: You are so incredibly awesome. I love you so much. You are unlike any father I have ever heard of, and you’re mine. I have had so much fun with you throughout the years, and you know your children so closely. I don’t know any father who is so entirely obsessed with his children and seeks their hearts so much. You’ve always been that way. The way you’ve always loved mom has shaped a lot of the way I view love, and it’s always felt like one of those things so right with my world.

3. Mom: You’re an amazing person. I love you an incredible lot. Don’t worry so much about dad, because he’s strong, and don’t worry so much about us, because we have to learn our lessons. We’re going to mess up and be idiots sometimes, but we have to do that, so… don’t worry so much. Your love for us is incredible, and sometimes it blows my mind. Thank you so much for all you’ve always done and always will do. We butt heads a lot because we’re so alike. That’s always fun. I always knew that one of these days we would figure it out, and we almost have by now. ;)

4. Shakespeare: You’re a brilliant writer, but stop while you’re ahead. You’re giving me a headache. Come on.

5. Joel: You are SO awesome. I just love you to the ends of the earth. You’ve done so much in my life to make me grow and stay where I’m supposed to be, or get me there when I’m not. You have no idea how much you’ve done. Congratufreakinglations. You and Minnie are such an adorable pair, and I couldn’t have picked a better chick for you. She’s amazing. I love you both.

6. Kyle: You’re at a strange place in your life. It’s almost like a standstill in some ways, because you aren’t where you were, but you can’t quite get where you want to be. Don’t be discouraged. God has you. Keep pressing on, and seek Him. Do the right thing, and stay vigilant in your walk. I love you so much, and I always will.

7. Jeremy: Your life is powerful, deep, and meaningful. You have been given gifts you’re supposed to use for God. Don’t forget people in your search for the golden pick of destiny. I know you are the gatekeeper of your own destiny, and you will have your glory day in the hot sun, but make sure you don’t lose sight of the real battle with souls that is going on around you. Stay strong. Seek your strength from God.

8. Leah: You are one of the best things that ever could have happened to me. God saw fit to give me two mothers growing up, but I always had a sister in you. You exhibited more love and patience with me than I ever could have even understood enough to ask for had I known it existed. You showed me so much about how to love someone who doesn’t always show perfect love to you ;). I try more now to show it, at least, but I’ve always loved you soooo much. You were an awesome mother to me (still are when duty calls) and are now such a perfect sister.

9. Grandmother: I can never even express all that you impacted on me, or showed me. Most of what you did to impact me was unknowing, because your focus was never on yourself. Everything I ever saw you do was normally for the purpose of others, and so much of it your family. So much of it me. Thank you. I love you.

10. Murphy: Your law is dumb. Get out of my life and grow a backbone. And shut up while you’re at it.

This seems intriguing, and I can’t resist those things.

2010-11-10T06:48:00.001-08:00

Day One — Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Day Two — Nine things about yourself.

Day Three — Eight ways to win your heart.

Day Four — Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day Five — Six things you wish you’d never done.

Day Six — Five people who mean a lot. (in no order whatsoever)

Day Seven — Four turn offs.

Day Eight — Three turn ons.

Day Nine — Two smileys that describe your life right now.

Day Ten — One confession.

50 things, because of facebook.

2010-11-04T06:59:00.000-07:00

1. Music allows me to breathe easier, de-stress, fill up with energy, love, life, and be more of myself.

2. I love working out on a regular basis, but I can't do it very easily at school.

3. I adore The Scarlet Pimpernel.

4. I am not romantic, but when something truly deep, beautiful, and full of love hits me, I melt. God's love makes me sigh like a girl.

5. I hate the winter. It makes me cold.

6. The cold makes me die.

7. Dancing is basically my favourite thing in the entire world.

8. The beach could possibly be my second favourite thing.

9. I spell favourite with a u. Because that's what I'm used to reading.

10. My nieces are precious. I loves them.

11. Art in many forms, whether viewing or creating it, makes me feel like more of a person.

12. I wish I could be more like my granddaddy.

13. I have never left the country.

14. Before I came to college, I had never flown before.

15. I have never had a PC darken my doorstep. We have had Macs since... goodness knows when. And yes... I am a huge fan.

16. The piano makes me happy, and sometimes it makes me cry.

17. God likes to tell me things. Sometimes He likes to show me things. It's really cool.

18. I'm normally someone who tries to get other people to not worry. People get upset with me sometimes for it.

19. I try to fix people's lives a lot.

20. It doesn't work!

21. My favourite color combinations are: 1. green, gold, and pink 2. black and green

22. My favourite instrumental combinations are the piano and cello.

23. If I were a musical instrument, I think I would be the electric violin.

24. If I were an animal, I would be a Siberian Tiger.

25. I love the smell of lemons, but for some reason hearing the word always makes me think of lemon bars, which kind of sicken me.

26. I wish to goodness I were better at writing music.

27. I think that M. Night Shyamalan is brilliant, but apparently his brilliance is fading, and that makes me sad... BUT... it's not the end of the world. Just the end of amazing Shyamalan movies.

28. One of my brothers is majoring in Physics and Philosophy, which is weird and schizophrenic, and my other brother is a hard up musician/moviemaker trying to make it in Phoenix Arizona. My sister is normal and has a husband and two children. I'm just... in college, I guess.

29. If ever I have a husband, I want him to stop buying me chocolate and flowers and just take time to dance in the rain with me.

30. I love paisley. I love the word, and I love the pattern. I love the images it evokes. Idunno. I just... do.

31. It seems like every time I finally resolve myself to leaving my fingernails long and neat looking, I decide to pick up my mandolin again, and I have to clip them.

32. Of all of the jobs here, tri sinks and back dishpit are my favourites. I love them. Especially with someone awesome. And I love singing broadway songs with JoHannah in back. :)

33. I am addicted to sugar and coffee. And carbohydrates. Yes, this is a bad thing. Yes, I try my hardest to do better with it. No, I'm not getting very far.

34. I am the only person in my entire family of six people (and one of only two in my extended family of seventeen) who does not have brown eyes. I was born with blue. They've turned green. Yeah, that's probably bad. I should work on that too. But I kinda like 'em :)

35. There's too much good, beautiful music out there to listen to the radio... but sometimes I do anyway, because it's a fun way to dance and be stupid with my friends at the drop of a hat.

36. I am very unlike most of my friends. But... that's okay. We all love eachother.

37. I used to have tablecloths on my bed.

38. I luuuuuuuuuuuuuve the summertime.

39. I hate prunes, but I'll eat them if I have to.

40. The nastiest thing I ever consumed was olive oil and lemon juice. Talk about going down easy. It went down WAY too easy. Anyways. Gross. Real gross.

41. I name all of my boxes in the attic. I have also named my computer, my cell phone, and other various and sundry items in my life.

42. Yes, I absolutely believed in monsters in my closet when I was a child. I still do.

43. Forty-two is a good number.

44. My hair started getting curly when I was thirteen. It was quite a shock to my system. I think I'm still recovering.

45. My favourite books are Till We Have Faces, by C.S. Lewis, and Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo.

46. I use the word "immaculate" a lot, and always out of context. But I figure as long as I'm aware of that, it's okay. Right?

47. I love people. I really, really love them. Especially my friends. You guys are amazing, and you've made all the difference in the world in my life.

48. The sound of thunder to me is like God telling me He loves me, and a storm is like Him kissing me on the cheek, and coming out to dance with me.

49. For the most part... I don't like change. I really, really don't.

50. The heavens declare the glory of God, and even the rocks cry out. I love how beautiful things are.

Changes

2010-10-31T11:00:00.000-07:00

He's changing me, my precious Jesus...

Things have changed. I am different.

Take me back a year ago and I might have said that today I am more who I am than the person I was. Now I stand here today saying that I am less who I am and more who God is through the things He has taught me over this past year. Every month that passes, every day I can look back on, I realize more and more that I am disappearing and becoming someone completely different. I revert back to my old ways sometimes, but I am gradually, by God's grace, becoming who He wants me to be. It has been the hardest year of my life, but I can see more growth because of it than I have ever experienced before.

People have asked me on occasion what happened. I am different. It's drastic. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but it felt like hell for a long time, and then it felt like recovery, and now it feels like the remission where I am beginning to feel stronger than I did before. Not happier, but stronger and older. Life is funny.

Don't ask for hardship unless you really want it. Don't ask God to let you suffer and become stronger unless you're willing to truly suffer. I learned that through 2009-2010. Again. Life is funny. But God never once abandoned me, and He was by my side every moment, building a fire inside of me and making me stronger and more passionate for Him. This is how my life has been going. Anything new with you guys?
2007
2008
2009

2010

I Miss, written 5/10

2010-10-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Letters, words, sounds, smells.
Remembering, I remember so well.
Looking back, it's been only months
But so much longer than I've even been alive.

I miss the radar with you upon my screen,
I miss the knowing, and the not knowing,
I miss the way you used to play,
The way you used to prey upon my thoughts like the piano keys.
The mystery I could feel I already understood the ending to.

Frightful now, I live alone,
Surrounded, I'm so lonely, though I have all I need,
It's a space in my heart that I didn't know existed
Until you took the substance and left it empty.

I miss the hope for future plans and dreams,
I miss the songs our souls sang in unison it seems,
I miss the bond, the feel of you beside me in every way,
I miss the love I felt emanate from you every day,
From so many miles away.

But I've found I can live on,
I still love you, but I can move away
From that feel of constant heartache,
I've found I can pray for you
And never see you anymore.

I watched you open,
You said it was from me,
A beautiful soul so long in hiding,
I loved every inch of it.

I miss the way you laughed at me,
Smiled at me, wondered at me,
Loved for me, loved for me.

But I've found I can live on,
I still love you, but I can move away
From that feel of constant heartache,
I've found I can pray for you
And never see you anymore.

Mmmmm...

2010-10-20T19:43:00.001-07:00

I just saw myself in the mirror, and I realized something.

I'm still waiting for the light in my eyes to come back.

MUSIC!!!

2010-10-04T17:21:00.001-07:00

The Solo Project
Everyone check this out. My bro wants your money, and he must be satisfied ;)
No, seriously, though. Jeremy is an amazing musical crazyhead, and he's AWESOME, so everyone go and give him moneys, k? K.

Journal entry

2010-09-28T08:10:00.001-07:00

You are beautiful.
You are gracious.
You are steady.
You are strong.
You are permanent.
You are loving.
You are jealous.
You are reliable.
You are creative.
You are genius.
You are merciful.
You are majestic.
You are passionate.
You are melodious.
You are obsessive.
You are dedicated.
You are constant.
You are blameless.
You are a consuming fire.
You are amazing.
You are a father.
You are a son.
You are a brother.
You are a friend.
You are my bridegroom.
You are the tester of sincerity and the knower of my heart. You see my intentions, and you love me regardless.
You are pure.
You are righteous.
You delve into the deepest parts of my soul and see every good and evil thing. You are the lover of my soul, in all it's wicked and unloveliness.
You are a healer.
You are caring.
You are selfless.
You are engaging.
You are challenging.
You are shining bright.
You are scarred from love, and you will carry that mark into eternity.
In the darkest places, if I am there, so are you.

Life update

2010-09-23T19:39:00.000-07:00

I have neglected my blog shamefully. I miss it. I really do.

I'm not even sure anyone reads it anymore. This is partially due to the fact that I am an unfaithful poster as of late, and partially due to the fact that I am also a boring sort of poster as of late. Ah, well. The things one must do in order to receive a college degree are oft times shameful and disgraceful.

There is, however, some beautiful sort of pleasure in knowing that I may in fact be unread anymore. I am shouting into the proverbial void of cyberspace, and I might say anything at all. No one will ever know... hehehehehe. This makes me feel evil and diabolical.

My life. Ah, my life. What else is there really for me to write about? I have no idea. I mean... I suppose I could write a story about a unicorn or something. I've done that plenty before. But seriously... my life is more interesting right now. And yet there is nothing I can really say on my blog that relates the interesting parts. I think that's why I stopped blogging. It's because everything in my life got to the point of being so deep and so a part of me that I could only post pictures that speak a thousand words, and not words that speak a million emotions.

I feel so deeply full of love sometimes. God has worked miracles of growth in my heart, and I have no idea sometimes when I stop to think about it just how he managed to mature me so fantastically. I'm not saying I'm mature, I'm just saying God has a hold of me and I'm getting better. So much has happened. This past year has kicked me in the rear like nothing in my life has ever done, and I am better for it. It ripped me apart, but somehow God brought me through it restored.

Sometimes I honestly just feel completely obliterated by pain and sadness, and just want to curl into a ball and die. But God always takes hold of me and lets me cry on Him. There is so much love emanating from Him that all I have to do sometimes is just fall into it. Sometimes I forget it's there, but it's always there.

There is so much more I could say, and maybe I will sometime. I'll probably try to post some of my journal entrees from the past few weeks pretty soon. I'm not sure if anyone is listening or not, but... I have things to say that I didn't used to, and maybe someone out there will benefit from hearing them.

Peace out.

In my head

2010-08-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Baby, sleep, gently sleep,
Life is long and love is deep,
Time will be sweet for thee,
All the world to see.

...Time to look about and know
How the shadows come and go,
How the breeze stirs the trees,
How the blossoms grow.

2010-08-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

"Let us read and let us dance-- two amusements that will never do any harm to the world." ~~Voltaire

You know what stinks a lot?

2010-08-18T19:19:00.001-07:00

I...
...hate it....

... when people I love are in pain. Goooosh. It's the worst.

Protector

2010-08-04T18:22:00.001-07:00

I'll be your wandering minstrel to feel out the way,
Living your life so you can be safe,
Do you ever sit and wonder why it is I love you with
Everything, all that I have, all that you know?

When others would tremble, you stand unafraid,
I fear for your courage, the safe you might save,
You’re much too courageous to fight on your own,
When I can’t stand beside you, I’ll fight it alone.

Precious, so fragile, so terribly beautifully loved
By the world, but the world would be cruel to you,
I won’t believe you when you say you’re all right,
If you don’t take care I won’t sleep through the night.

So I’ll have to be the one to carry your weight, love,
You’d do it yourself, but that I won’t tolerate,
All of my loneliness will only increase,
But it’s the price that I’ll pay to see you out of harm’s way.

Child Labor

2010-07-30T15:33:00.000-07:00

Gracie just wrote a pertinent blog post that all should read:
Gracie's Post

Here is also the main page for Nick Willeke's site: End Child Labor Now

2010-07-27T15:49:00.001-07:00

Clair: "You know, you should market yourself as Superman's little sister. Kind of like... you don't have any of his superpowers, but you watched him change clothes so much growing up that you emulate him and now you can change super fast too."

As my sister would say... up-do, down-do, wear it downtown-do.

2010-07-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

2010-07-23T17:31:00.001-07:00

A new era in my life has come...

2010-07-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

Clair: "...And then the 12 class will come in, and we'll have to be big kids."

Rainday!

2010-07-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

There were puddles I jumped in, and huge massive tidal waves I swam around in, and I got soaked within the first 30 seconds of going out! It was absolutely the best. There were lots of people that I was reminded of, and wish could have been there with me.

2010-07-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

Sooooo.... my parents are experimenting with inclined sleeping, and my sister is taking cold showers. I love my family.

I'm tired of time

2010-07-17T13:08:00.000-07:00

Light up my darkness.

Undo my sadness.

Untwist my twistedness.

Fix my brokeness.

Heal my wounds.

Give me rest.

Give me love.

Hosea 3:14-16

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.'

More of my summer

2010-07-15T06:08:00.000-07:00

Gracie, Nicky and me. We're so darned cute.
Aw, Tyler's outfit was completely ruined and it was all my fault.
Yeah... boredom happened. Nicky really wanted sharpie tattoos. And then I told him to smile like a little boy.
Alex's little sister with the fire.
Best picture of Tyler of all time.
In the elevator.

Downtown. I love downtown Indy.Teaching Tyler how to sneer.
Alex downtown... trying to look awesome whilst listening to his music like an anti-social guttersnipe.
One of my favetoids of Nicky. He looks so disgusted and disdainful.
The best bathroom on the planet. It's in some random hotel that we've never stayed at, but we always use it when we're downtown.
Hesitant. I think Gracie told us to pretend we didn't know eachother.
Happy friends picture.
Tyler and I were matching, so we posed at the Taiwan Tea House.
And that's just... self explanatory.

Summertime!

2010-07-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, this was our "lame photographer" picture. We did a good job, yeah?
Alex wanted to be a poohead and stick his fingers in the shot.
I love this. They just look so happy.
I taught Tyler how to sneer. It was really impressive how good he became.
Before the lesson...
His face was too red in the shot, so I had to sepiafy it.
Tyler looked dead. I had to take a picture.
Tyler's trousers.
This is when we played cards at the war memorial in betwixt being extras.
That's a bunch of little girls... and Taylor. With a cooler.
I think Alex was trying to look brooding or something. Or maybe the sun was just in his eyes.
I really love this one.
On the lion. We are... so awesome.
I love me that girl.

Preparing to depart.
Mr. and Mrs. K.
Haha!
Taylor took this one. I feel like something really weird is going on with Alex's neck, but that's okay.
Mr. Taylor Lindsey himself.

And again. In costume and makeup and ready to go.
In the elevator brainstorming for our epic legendary movie.
Fail #1
Fail #2
SUCCESS!!!
My shoes in the elevator. Why am I telling you people all of this? Gosh. Figure it out on your own.
I think that's Alex's "I'm contentedly bored, but you should still think of something for us to do" face.
And that's his "Look at me, I'm awesome, of course you're taking a picture" face. Either that or he has a stomach ache.
Sunshines.

Dead yogurt. So gross.

I love this picture. He looks like he's about three years old somehow. Probably asking his mother if he's allowed to have a popsicle.
Dr. McCray came to visit us in the press room!!!
Alex took some really random pictures of technologies.
I have summertime skin. Most people get tan in the summer. I just get injured.
I love those traintracks a lot.
It's the raging river of death.
Yes, people. Tarzan 2. Yes.
Our nasty press room.
Good ol' Chuck, working himself to the bone.
Sulky expression there, Alex.
Fourth floor stairwell!
Yes, people, yes. I am wearing jeans... AT Verity.... UNDER MY SKIRT. Oh.... yeah.

News from the front

2010-06-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Making...

...a movie...

...takes lots...

... and lots...

...of food.

FYI

2010-06-24T15:41:00.001-07:00

Dear people in my life,

I love you all devotedly, and you're awesome.

Love, Caroline

P.S.
If you are reading this, there's an enormous chance that I'm missing you right now.

Alexander

2010-06-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

just told me to write a blog post about his blog post about me, and I don't know why, but that's just what he told me to do, and now I'm doing it. I don't know why I only type with my pointer fingers and my thumbs, I just kind of do.

Sooooooooooo.... Alex drinks a lot of soda, and it's really awful for him, and I keep telling him he's going to die, but he hasn't yet. He has diabetes, and I'm sure he's just going to implode one day unless he stops his terrible habits, but he is improving. He has consented to following my dietary instructions for a time, and so hopefully he will stop eating Activia yogurt and drinking 95 billion sodas a day and stuff.

Alexander currently has duct tape glue on his lips, due to a strange and unfortunate turn of events. It involved a broken window, a fellow student's vehicle, and a trip to walmart to buy hair conditioner.

He always looks really kind of zoned out and lazy when he's on his computer to be perfectly honest. And then sometimes he'll just start texting in the middle of a conversation, which is the character trait of the sort of person I always swore I would never be able to put up with. However... oh well.

Hmmmm... what else?

When we were at the park the other day, he left me there. He locked me out of the car, and drove away. I just sat down on the sweltering, sizzling, calescent concrete, and waited. Then I got bored, and ran away, but he found me. Did I mention that he left me there? 'Cause.... he did.

I guess the only reason I'm writing this besides the fact that I'm waiting for something to happen currently, is because Alexander is expecting to read something about himself, and I intend to give him something quite observatorious. And yes... I totally just invented that word, and no you can't steal it because it's mine and it's awesome.

No, but really. I like Alex a lot. He's a good kid, all in all. I mean, you know... sometimes...

Though there was that one time where he left me at the park. I already told that story.

What about the story where he threw nasty water at me right after I had showered and straightened my hair? There were dead worms in that water. I saw them. It was gross. I blame him entirely. Did I mention that there were worms in the water? Worms. There were worms. In the water. WORMS. DEAD ones. DEAD WORMS. DEAD.

Speaking of dead...

Alex is going to die if he doesn't stop drinking soda and wearing his cell phone so close to his body. He really just is. One might argue that he would die anyway. My point is that it is going to give him CANCER, and that will speed on his death. I'm not sure he cares. He just downed another root beer.

By the way...

2010-06-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

You've seen this, right?

New Dress A Day

HOME!!!

2010-06-07T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well boys and girls... it's been quite a time.

Grad week was (quite obviously) RIDICULOUS!!! I mean... dude. I worked my face off. It was so awesome, and SO much fun. Yeeeeeeesssss... I loved it. Manual labor rather than studious labor is something I can more ardently wrap my face around. I'm actually rather sad that we can't all work that hard again and do it the exact same way next year. But no, bittersweetly... next year we shall be the senior class, being served rather than serving. How strange that will be.

I am really sad now, because all of these genuine, real, solid friendships I have made since coming to college will now be stretched all over the globe. Most of the upperclassmen/graduates are now leaving, and some of them I won't see for a long time. Some of them I may not see for years, some I may never see again in this world. So strange. So thought provoking.

Goodbyes are the worst. I have often thought on this, but they really just ARE. Arrrrggggg...

By the way... E.J. Alvarenga... if you are reading this.... I MISS YOU!

So, after all of the horrid goodbyes which I HATED, I went home. Seeing people again has been beautiful. I haven't seen my family or my home friends in six months. Super weird. It's been a blast. It's amazing how things have changed. Things like the countertop, new buildings around town, and how much Halo the groupies still play. But then there are other things that have decidedly not changed, such as the pictures on the refrigerator, the singing at church, and the bathtub that is somehow still inexplicably lying on my bedroom floor.
Life is very strange. It rolls on, like waves in an ocean, always moving, always new waves, some big, some small... but always the same pattern that never changes.

I miss a lot of people right now. I miss old times, too. There are things about that that probably won't change.

God is good. He always has been, and that's something that doesn't change. He has gotten me through this year in ways that I could never express, though I wish I could. I know that He has been using this year to make me stronger, and He's been doing it in excruciatingly painful but effective ways. More on that later. I'm tired.

Wills

2010-05-26T20:30:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 3 days

Okay, today was actually the first time I genuinely felt emotional about grad. And so it begins.

Grad-week

2010-05-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 4 days

CERTIFIED!!!

2010-05-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 6 days

Doodling

2010-05-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 8 days

Iridology

2010-05-19T19:10:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 10 days

Disclaimer: Clair's eye. Ain't it cool?

Amy

2010-05-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 12 days

Nutrition

2010-05-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 14 days

Roomchecks

2010-05-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 15 days

A-STATUS!!!

2010-05-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 16 days

Laughs

2010-05-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 17 days

Migraine

2010-05-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 18 days

Cornwallis

2010-05-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 19 days

W00t

2010-05-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 21 days

Groceries

2010-05-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 24 days

Wet

2010-05-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 25 days

Birthdays

2010-05-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 26 days

Artistry

2010-05-02T17:19:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 27 days

By the way... I now have made it to my 700th post.

Wind

2010-05-01T20:46:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 28 days

Asparagus

2010-04-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 29 days

Library

2010-04-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 30 days

Light

2010-04-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 31 days

Workout

2010-04-27T20:25:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 32 days

Austhofs!

2010-04-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 33 days

Roomies

2010-04-25T18:57:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 34 days

Pimpernel

2010-04-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 35 days

Paradise

2010-04-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

Grad countdown: 36 days

Speech

2010-04-21T18:33:00.001-07:00

Grad countdown: 38 days

Okay, I totally skipped yesterday guys. Sorry! We'll all get over it I'm sure. Moving on.

Empty

2010-04-19T16:29:00.000-07:00

Let's see how this goes.

2010-04-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Okay so here's the deal.
I don't have much time to post anymore, so I'm going to do an experiment until grad. I'm just going to try and post one picture and one word a day that seem to sum up the day that I had. Alright? Alright. Let's get to it.

We Are Okay

2010-03-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

Anna and I made this all in one day for Gracie. It was for her to watch when she came home from Romania.

Random from March

2010-03-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

Playing the piano in the auditorium. So lovely to play in the dark.
Chillin' in my room.
Studying in the tunnel.

St. Patrick's Day!
Self portrait. Don't think it looks like me, but whatevs. It was copied off of this picture:

Some of these are chapel notes. Some of them aren't.

My beloved roommate is leaving in less than a week. I shall then be alone in my room. I'll miss her a lot :(

Last night/morning

2010-03-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

Wait

2010-03-11T07:15:00.000-08:00

2010-03-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

Study time... yeah, not really.

2010-03-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

Room 1404

2010-03-07T19:30:00.001-08:00

My fourth floor view.

Everything looks perfect from far away.

Sometimes.

What I learned in chapel yesterday

2010-03-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

Dr. Logan: "When a guy falls in love, it's disgusting. It's like he had a stroke. And........ he's worthless."

2010-03-05T05:58:00.000-08:00

Amy: "I see you laters, okay?"
Me: "Okay."
Amy: "Be good."
Me: "You too."
Amy: "Whatever."

Pwuahaha

2010-03-04T06:40:00.001-08:00